The goal of self care is to do more of the things you love. When you are setting a self-care schedule you want to pick those things + things that are good for you. This is how I set mine!
The times most of us have full control over are when we wake up and before we go to bed. Even if we have kids we can generally work around these time frames - get up early, or do it when they go to bed.
These are the times I focus on when I set my self-care schedule. For me, it means getting up earlier. What has helped me the most is setting a habit stack. I tie my new desired behavior/new habit/something I want to start doing, to something that I already do.
So every morning I help Tim let the dogs out and feed them, then I brush my teeth. So my habit stack looks like this: "After I brush my teeth, I go to the porch and start my kundalini practice. After I finish my meditation, I start my workout."
Every day isn't always perfect, and that's not what I'm striving for. I know the streak will end and I will miss a day. So when I accidentally sleep too late OR Aila wakes up early, I let it go. Getting frustrated over what is happening defeats the purpose of my calming self-care practice. I just fit it in later in the day, before she goes to bed, or jump back on the train the next day.
For me, it’s the same thing at night - when Tim puts Aila down for bed, I run a bath for myself, take my makeup off, and sometimes do a face mask. It feels so luxurious for me at the end of the day to soak in the tub, play mantra, and take my makeup off. It sounds simple, but it truly feels like the greatest thing in the world to me.
If I don’t take my makeup off after the workday, I end up working until 10/11pm, realizing I am exhausted and still have 10 skincare steps to do. Then it doesn’t feel like self-care, it feels like self-chores - like something I HAVE to do versus something I WANT to do.
Another way that my husband and I BOTH set our self-care schedules is creating space for each other on the weekends to do what we love and enjoy as individuals. We had a talk a couple of months ago that established this new schedule for us. Golf season was coming up and my hubby is a big golf-lover, so we decided to find a good time split that would work for both of us.
Every weekend, Tim gets Saturday mornings and I get Sunday mornings. We don’t clock it or get obsessive about the time, but on your morning, you can sleep in, grab coffee, workout, work, play golf, etc. until around 1030/11. Usually we expect each other to be back in the game between 1030/11.
If Tim wants to go golfing with friends in the middle of the day on the weekend instead of the morning, which takes more time, we negotiate - he will usually give me both mornings or a longer stretch of time on one day.
We are reasonable and we LOVE spending time together - this isn't about having the time off or not wanting to be around each other. It’s about taking care of ourselves and feeding our own souls, and while we have a lot in common, we are also different people with different hobbies, interests, and friends. And we need time to explore and participate in those things.
This may not work for every family, but if it could work for you I highly recommend it. No matter how many kids you have, you always need time for you...you ESPECIALLY need time for you. But you have to make the time, it doesn’t just materialize. In fact, time keeps speeding up and then it’s been a month since you’ve been alone and you’re exhausted and full of resentment.
Start making the time for you now!
Tim and I L-O-V-E this method and it FEELS good to allow each other time to do something that fills them up. Everyone is happier, more willing to help out when we are together, kinder, and it has truly helped our relationship so much.
Whatever your situation is - single, married no kids, married with kids, partner with kids, single mom, single dad - look at your schedule and see where you can create a habit stack for yourself and insert some self-care.
That is my challenge for you.
And make sure to join our Fear Fighters Private Facebook Group where I go live to chat about more topics like this (this was on the schedule from last week).
sending all the love, Abby