Short Answer. Meditation.
Now let’s dive into the long answer.
My brain has been on overdrive since I was a little kid. Running over worst case scenarios, risk-assessments, and fear-based thoughts on a loop.
I am the oldest of 4 daughters, tasked with the responsibility to “set a good example,” and “be a good kid.” Instead of embracing this leadership role and allowing it to empower me, in many ways it paralyzed me. I was so scared of messing up I looked to people older than me for constant validation.
Any people pleasers out there?
That was me - someone had to affirm what I was doing was “right” or “okay” for me to believe it. I didn’t trust myself. And since I didn’t trust myself, I felt scared...almost all of the time.
My fear-based thought patterns grew strong and dominant neural pathways in my brain. While I am an eternal optimist and positive person, I am also deeply rooted in fear.
As an extrovert and general people-person, putting on a brave face was easy, and my competitive nature allowed me to justify nearly all thoughts and actions in my life...so I always felt like I was behaving rationally.
It wasn’t until 2016 while planning my wedding and under mountains of enormous stress (kind of like coal, which turns into a diamond under pressure...some foreshadowing for you), that I finally cracked.
My fear-based belief systems and anxieties came to a head, bringing me to my knees in a humbling yet terrifying way. After a trip to my doctor and medication in hand, I finally started sleeping “ok,” and took a hard look at my life.
I finally saw that everything my mind touched turned to fear, and it had its grimy paws on nearly everything in my life. It ruled my actions, decisions, relationships...you name it, fear was intertwined with it.
It was at this moment that I decided to make a change. After years of promising myself I would start meditating, I actually did it.
I sat down on my couch, legs folded and eyes closed, for about 5 seconds...then I opened them and determined I couldn’t meditate...my brain was hyperactive - how is someone like that supposed to relax into a meditation?
I gave up.
A few days later I opened a random email that referenced kundalini yoga and meditation. I sat down again, this time for 3 minutes, and my heart lit up and I swear spiritual fireworks shot out of it.
It felt like I was seeing and experiencing myself for the first time. That very first meditation showed me something I had never felt before...peace. It lasted only a few minutes, but I wanted it back.
I had tasted sweet freedom and I would do it over and over again until I could keep it - until it was my natural state. I knew if I could have it for a few seconds, I could have it forever.
I’ve been practicing kundalini yoga and meditation everyday since, with a few skipped days here and there, hey, no one is perfect ;), and I not only feel that sense of inner peace, but I have a greater confidence and trust in myself, love of others and this planet, and genuine happiness with me at all times.
I changed my brain, hardwired for anxiety for 28 years, in mere moments...and now it is forever changed. And if I can do this, well, you absolutely can too.
I am now a Kundalini Yoga and Meditation teacher and upload regular meditations to The Calm Blueprint Youtube Channel, but here is one that helped me tremendously when I first started. It’s simple, and beautiful.
Enjoy the experience of your true self. You deserve it.
All my love,